Blackmailed after an affair: how we stopped online threats and harassment
If someone is threatening to reveal an affair or any private mistake from your past, especially online, the blackmail can feel unbearable. In today’s digital age, a single Facebook post or WhatsApp message can cause irreversible damage to your personal life, reputation, and even your career.
The problem: harassment, blackmail and emotional distress
Why you should be cautious about responding to blackmail
Stopping harassment without going to court
Handling the practicalities and emotional pressure of blackmail
What to do if you’re in a similar situation and believe you are being blackmailed
The lawyers’ thoughts about the case: clarity in the middle of chaos
The problem: harassment, blackmail and emotional distress
Our client, whom we’ll call Tom for confidentiality, contacted us in a state of extreme emotional distress. His background was typical of many victims of this type of harassment. Over a year earlier, he had visited a massage service that, unexpectedly, turned into a personal relationship.
What started as an impulsive decision became a short affair that eventually fizzled out. There were no harsh words or ongoing connection after it ended. However, almost a year later- coinciding with the isolation and stress of the COVID-19 pandemic- the woman reappeared.
She contacted Tom and began threatening to expose intimate details of their past relationship to his wife, who she had found on Facebook. She demanded money and made it clear she would make good on her threats if he didn’t comply. Out of fear, Tom started paying. Over time, the payments increased, and the pressure intensified. He was soon giving her thousands of pounds (over £35,000 in total) with no sign of the threats stopping. She began messaging not only his personal phone but also the Facebook page of the business where he worked, escalating the situation further.
Why you should be cautious about responding to blackmail
It is entirely understandable to want a frightening situation like this to vanish as quickly as possible. Many individuals, like Tom, initially hope that making a payment will end the threats for good. However, this is often not the outcome.
In many cases, blackmailers interpret a first payment as a sign of vulnerability, which can encourage them to demand more. Once a payment has been made, it can create a cycle with each new demand leading to another payment, and with the threats becoming increasingly aggressive and invasive.
In Tom’s case, the harasser knew personal details such as his wife's name, his place of work, and how to contact him via social media. This only amplified his fear and sense of being trapped. It’s important to understand that blackmail and harassment are criminal offences under UK law, and that legal options are available to stop them.
While we generally advise against giving in to blackmail, every situation is different and requires tailored legal advice. The right approach depends on many factors, including the evidence available, the severity of the threats, and the emotional and financial position of the victim. Seeking legal advice about blackmail early ensures that your strategy is sound, your privacy is protected, and that you're supported through what is often a deeply distressing ordeal.
Stopping harassment without going to court
During our initial consultation with Tom, we listened carefully and assessed all the details he could recall, despite the fact he had deleted much of the evidence in panic. We immediately understood the seriousness and urgency of the situation. Tom was terrified of losing his marriage, his job, and his children’s respect.
He had already been emotionally drained by months of threats and financial exploitation. We explained that one legal route would be to apply for an emergency injunction through the courts. This can be a powerful tool to stop harassment and blackmail, particularly if time is of the essence. However, we also recognised that court applications can be expensive, and in this case, were outside of Tom’s financial means.
Instead, we proposed an alternative: drafting and serving a formal letter of claim to the harasser. This legal letter would set out our client’s position clearly, warn of legal consequences if the harassment continued, and demand an immediate stop to all communication and threats. It would come with the authority and reputation of a specialist internet law firm behind it, which often makes a significant impact.
Our goal was to send a message that Tom was no longer alone and that serious legal action would follow if the blackmail didn’t stop.
Handling the practicalities and emotional pressure of blackmail
One of the most challenging aspects of blackmail cases is supporting clients through both the legal process and the emotional stress. Tom was experiencing severe anxiety and exhaustion. He shared with us how overwhelmed he felt, fearing that public exposure of the affair would cause irreparable harm to his family. With two young children and a stable home life he valued deeply, the idea of losing it all was consuming him.
Such emotional reactions are sadly very common when people feel cornered by blackmail. Feelings of isolation, shame, and fear can cloud judgement and heighten distress. From our side, we knew it was essential to act swiftly, both to provide strong legal protection and to bring Tom a sense of stability and control.
We encouraged Tom to avoid responding to the harasser, to stop making payments, and to focus on his wellbeing. Instead of reacting in the moment, we guided him through a structured approach. We prioritised identifying the harasser’s location so we could deliver the legal letter in person. This step reinforces the seriousness of the legal warning and often has more impact than a digital communication.
Although Tom, out of fear, sent one final payment shortly before our letter was served, that marked the end of the demands. Once the harasser received the letter, the threats ceased. We stayed in close contact with Tom, offering reassurance, monitoring any further attempts at contact, and handling all communication on his behalf to help him move forward with greater peace of mind.
What to do if you’re in a similar situation and believe you are being blackmailed
If someone is threatening to share something personal about you online- whether it’s an affair, private photos, or any other embarrassing or compromising information- the most important step is to seek legal advice as soon as you can. Reaching out early helps ensure that the decisions you make are informed and in your best interest.
While each situation is different, it’s usually wise to avoid negotiating directly with the blackmailer. Also, it’s crucial to preserve any messages or emails that could serve as evidence. The longer harassment continues unchecked, the more stressful and complex it can become.
At Cohen Davis, we specialise blackmail and early response to personal reputational crisis. We understand how quickly these situations can escalate and how disruptive the mere threat of exposure can be. If you’re being contacted or threatened through WhatsApp, Instagram, Facebook, email, or any other platform, we can assist you. We will handle your case with discretion, without judgement, and advise you on the most appropriate legal strategy. That may include issuing a legal letter or, if necessary, pursuing action through the courts. Whatever the path, we’re here to help restore your peace of mind and guide you forward.
The lawyers’ thoughts about the case: clarity in the middle of chaos
During high-stress situations like blackmail, clear legal guidance is crucial. Clients often feel overwhelmed, and confusion can cloud judgment. Our role is to bring focus and clarity. In Tom’s case, once he understood the process and the options available, the panic began to lift. Clarity provides strategy and helps restore a sense of control during uncertain times.